I feel like I'm the poster child for the saying forgive and forget. I've been wronged by so many people and I instantly forgive them and forget it happened. Now that doesn't mean I'm dumb enough to let them hurt me, it means I'm not going to hold hatred for them. I might stop talking to them, get them out of my life, or just put up an emotional wall, but if you wrong me I forgive easily. Sometimes it sucks, I just want to be mad. I want to be mad at my parents for splitting up and finding new families, leaving their old one in the dust. For making me feel like not even my own parents love me. For not protecting me from all this. I want to be mad at the friends who ditched me for popularity. Who saw me going through a rough time and told me I'm selfish and a bad friend and never talking to me again. I want to be mad at Zach for moving on so fast, doing things with her he never did with me. Making me feel like I really was nothing to him. Well at least he's happier and better off now.
I want to be mad at Paul, but I don't have anything to really be mad about. I put myself in this situation by establishing a sexual relationship before a friendship. I defined our relationship and now I have to deal with that. I knew he didn't want a relationship, I knew he was still struggling with getting over his past relationships, and I knew he's probably just looking for sex. Well, you can't be mad at him for that, he made it clear from the start. I can only be mad at myself for falling for him anyway.
See, I just don't have it in me to be mad at other people. There's just no reason to hold hate. It's a quality I both love and hate about myself. It causes me so much pain to just put a smile on through all this bullshit. What did I do to deserve this?
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