He's giving me nothing.

So I started cutting...again..
I got in this phase sometime last week, and it's really bad..
told Zach it was bunny scratches, but a few days later felt so guilty about lying I told him what they were, told him more about the depression and stuff...told him about the ED..he doesn't understand any of it, thinks I'm just stupid, probably a drama queen, etc..but at least he's caring for me and trying to help. I guess that's good enough? I just wish he'd TRY to understand. I mean, if I'm trying to get better for HIM maybe he could try to understand what I'm going through? He thinks I can just stop cutting, just not have an ED...I try telling him it's not easy at all, but he thinks I'm just stupid.
Yesterday, we spent the day together. Amazing day, but I got in the dark mood before leaving and he knew it..so when I got home I was especially moody and stuff when my sister decided to have one of her crazy random bitch fits and we ended up fighting, ending with her kicking the shit out of me and me threatening to kill myself if she didn't stop (thought she'd care but nope..)so anyway, she saw the scratched and called me an attention whore so I left..called Zach and met up with him, told him everything, I was such a wreck it's humiliating..
anyways, he convinced his parents to let me spend the night at his place..it was a good night. I slept on an air mattress in his guest bedroom and he snuck in and layed with me and we just talked until we fell asleep. I felt so much closer to him, thought he actually started caring.
But then tonight, after all that happened, you'd think he'd ask me how I am?
Nope. It's 10:16, over 2 hours from when I usually start going 'crazy', in my dad's house where he knows I never feel safe or whatever, and all I've heard from him is that he's tired after working all day and just relaxing at home. No "how are yous..are you okay?" or asking if I've cut or anything (which I told him I told my mom I wouldn't do, but never really admitted that I intended on keeping that..I cut my stomach today to hide it..)
So, you know what? I'm fucking done. I had a horrible night, possibly one of the worst this cycle... and my boyfriend couldn't really give a shit. well that's just great. I really do have nobody now, do I?
He was the only thing keeping me from killing myself. Now that I know he doesn't really care, well...

Updates..

more for my sake than anyone else's..
umm.. June 13th 2011: made things official with Zach.
July 6 or 7 (?) i think the 7..yeah the 7th.. lost my v-card to Zach..
sunday this week: in another depressed phase.
right now (friday night): sitting on the floor having an anxiety attack, crying and pulling at my hair in frustration and a mix of emotions...trying not to cut but holding the knife..I've made a few scratches but no cuts so far. It's a dull knife so it would take extra effort that I don't really have anyway..
nobody seems to care. I'm texting Zach, told him the other day about this. Thought maybe he'd be a little concerned when I said I was having an anxiety attack..but nope.Doesn't give two shits..he's going out with his friends, or is already out. One of the two. Don't really care much right now.
He deserves better than this anyway. I'm a fucking nutcase. Only a mad woman would laugh while crying her eyes out making tiny scrapes in her flesh with a knife, thinking how great it would be for all of this to just be over.
I don't deserve any form of happiness anyway.. maybe it's better to just let him off easy..I really think I should let him go.
I'm kind of scared though, he's kind of helped me get better so far, I haven't had a depressed phase or whatever in a while, and I think I've only had like two since we started seeing each other (March). I know if I let him go, it's going to make me worse. I'll probably relapse. Possible suicide attempt in the near future..fuck. Why the fuck did this have to happen to me? What did I do to the world?
UGH