All I can say is: it's a good thing I forgot my geometry set.
I learned that using a pencil, allbeit, a very sharp pencil, does nothing.
Then I vomited in the bathroom because I was so upset at myself. I also vomited in my car before coming home... :/
I think I'm about to purge again. This time there's actually food in my stomach though...binged on the leftovers from yesterday. Weighed myself today, I'm up to 107...
I really don't care anymore. I just don't want to eat. Nobody fucking cares, the world is so fake. I hate this shit. WHAT IS THE POINT?
Seriously, I'd like to know.
Peace
Monday, February 28, 2011
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Lost my phone :(
Oh yeah, I had to create a new post about how much I suck at keeping my phones safe :(
I lost it between home and school on friday morning before LC, so I'm out of touch unless I'm on the computer, which is rare these days.
Which means...I CAN'T TALK TO KYLE CUZ HE'S ALWAYS WORKING!!!!!!! >:(
Oh yeah, I haven't told you that story yet ;)
So...he asked me out again on tuesday. I was positive that I would make sure not to go out with him since he hurt me the last time, but I keep thinking how much I'd regret it if I didn't give it a shot. So I went out with him thursday after work (wow, school night...can you say rebel? ;) ) We saw...errrg can't remember the name of the movie now...that new Ashton Kutcher/Natalie Portman one where they are 'sex friends'... :/
oh well, so we saw that. There were a few short awkward silences, but overall it was pretty good... oh yeah, we also played footsy during the movie ;)
And when he drove me back to work so I could get my car, he hugged me before I left. It was really funny because we were both still sitting in the car and we just couldn't coordinate it xD BAHAHA EMBARASSING!
lmao...I'm such an awkward first dater. He kept making references to 'next time' (i.e. "Next time you pick the movie" etc), so I guess that means it went well? lol...hopefully 'next time' is better :/
But I lost my phone friday morning and haven't talked to him since thursday since I've been away at LC :(
awww nozzzzz
Anywhoo, just thought I'd write abnout that for a bit :) Now I'm attempting to do all my homework...although I'm soooo tired! ):
well, peace out everyone.
oh yeah, p.s. I now have a new motivation to change the world and be a better person. I want to make a positive impact in this lifetime. :) I need ideas, though... :/
I lost it between home and school on friday morning before LC, so I'm out of touch unless I'm on the computer, which is rare these days.
Which means...I CAN'T TALK TO KYLE CUZ HE'S ALWAYS WORKING!!!!!!! >:(
Oh yeah, I haven't told you that story yet ;)
So...he asked me out again on tuesday. I was positive that I would make sure not to go out with him since he hurt me the last time, but I keep thinking how much I'd regret it if I didn't give it a shot. So I went out with him thursday after work (wow, school night...can you say rebel? ;) ) We saw...errrg can't remember the name of the movie now...that new Ashton Kutcher/Natalie Portman one where they are 'sex friends'... :/
oh well, so we saw that. There were a few short awkward silences, but overall it was pretty good... oh yeah, we also played footsy during the movie ;)
And when he drove me back to work so I could get my car, he hugged me before I left. It was really funny because we were both still sitting in the car and we just couldn't coordinate it xD BAHAHA EMBARASSING!
lmao...I'm such an awkward first dater. He kept making references to 'next time' (i.e. "Next time you pick the movie" etc), so I guess that means it went well? lol...hopefully 'next time' is better :/
But I lost my phone friday morning and haven't talked to him since thursday since I've been away at LC :(
awww nozzzzz
Anywhoo, just thought I'd write abnout that for a bit :) Now I'm attempting to do all my homework...although I'm soooo tired! ):
well, peace out everyone.
oh yeah, p.s. I now have a new motivation to change the world and be a better person. I want to make a positive impact in this lifetime. :) I need ideas, though... :/
I'mmm baaack! :)
And I'm still breathing.
My vacation was awesome. Didn't stick to my plan much, though. There was food shoved in my face left, right, and center (and all of it was free). If you tried to say you weren't hungry, people would give you funny looks (since apparently you aren't allowed to stop eating on vacation). We were in a group of 14, so we'd meet up in the dining room every night for supper where there was a limited menu, and all of it was FAT FAT FAT! So the first night I asked for just fruit, and the waiter wouldn't let me. He was like "okay, I'll give you the fruit but you must be hungry! Eat more! Try the pasta! The soup!...blahblahblah" Oh yeah, and none of them were english, so imagine that in a spanish accent. So I learned that it only draws attention to not eat, so I'd try to have 2 courses (i.e. fruit and pasta or something like that) every night. My stomach definitely expanded after a week of being plumped up, so now it's hard for me to get back on track.
It was so beautiful though! We had amazing weather- 25 degrees celsius at the coldest, and we only hit one small rain shower and the rest of the time was sunny :) We went to St Thomas, St Maarten, Princess Cays (Bahamas) and Grand Turk. I bought a Guess bag ($130 :/) and some duty free Daisy perfume as my 'big buys' :) It was a pretty great trip. Oh yeah, and I went to the gym a few times throughout the week, so that's good too :)
So I got back to Frozenland last sunday, been working/at school everyday since then so I'm still really behind. We had leadership camp this weekend, so I didn't even have time to work on stuff then. Now I'm just procrastinating. And binging. :/
I have a bag of sunchips, a box of woppers, box of juniors, a bag of chocolate covered raisins, and a box of mrs fields chocolate chip cookies on my bed and I'm wolfing it all down. :/ugh I'm disgusting.
Well, I'm tired...we barely had any sleep this weekend, so peace out (:
My vacation was awesome. Didn't stick to my plan much, though. There was food shoved in my face left, right, and center (and all of it was free). If you tried to say you weren't hungry, people would give you funny looks (since apparently you aren't allowed to stop eating on vacation). We were in a group of 14, so we'd meet up in the dining room every night for supper where there was a limited menu, and all of it was FAT FAT FAT! So the first night I asked for just fruit, and the waiter wouldn't let me. He was like "okay, I'll give you the fruit but you must be hungry! Eat more! Try the pasta! The soup!...blahblahblah" Oh yeah, and none of them were english, so imagine that in a spanish accent. So I learned that it only draws attention to not eat, so I'd try to have 2 courses (i.e. fruit and pasta or something like that) every night. My stomach definitely expanded after a week of being plumped up, so now it's hard for me to get back on track.
It was so beautiful though! We had amazing weather- 25 degrees celsius at the coldest, and we only hit one small rain shower and the rest of the time was sunny :) We went to St Thomas, St Maarten, Princess Cays (Bahamas) and Grand Turk. I bought a Guess bag ($130 :/) and some duty free Daisy perfume as my 'big buys' :) It was a pretty great trip. Oh yeah, and I went to the gym a few times throughout the week, so that's good too :)
So I got back to Frozenland last sunday, been working/at school everyday since then so I'm still really behind. We had leadership camp this weekend, so I didn't even have time to work on stuff then. Now I'm just procrastinating. And binging. :/
I have a bag of sunchips, a box of woppers, box of juniors, a bag of chocolate covered raisins, and a box of mrs fields chocolate chip cookies on my bed and I'm wolfing it all down. :/ugh I'm disgusting.
Well, I'm tired...we barely had any sleep this weekend, so peace out (:
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
My Week From Hell
I'm so tired.
Basically, I went from fasting all week to "almost qualifies as a binge" week :/
All because work booked me 6 hour shifts every night, starting right after school until 10-11 at night. Then I get home and attempt my homework (which takes me hours to do because I'm so tired I can't focus on a single word). Then I finally get to bed. Then I go to school and attempt to concentrate, but fail. Then I eat food, thinking it will make things better. It doesn't. Then I go to work. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat....
I woke up this morning with NO depth perception at all because I was so friggin tired. My mom called me while I was sleeping and I went to pick up my phone but I couldn't find it, then when I opened my eyes I looked at my hands and it was doing this weird wave thing, so I just stared at it in awe for a couple of minutes before I passed out again. I felt like I was on drugs (which was weird because I had just had a dream that I was doing some pretty serious drugs :/ )... I also fell out of my bed when my alarm rang an hour later...
Ugh, so now I'm fatter, more tired, and even more depressed than before...if that's even possible.
I need a vacation now more than ever. Just two.more.days. I can do this.
My head hurts, and my throat hurts, and I feel like I'm going to puke. I also feel like I could pass out again any moment now. I had an espresso shot and an iced coffee (extra strong) at work to keep me from falling asleep on the floor, but I'm just about dead now. But I couldn't do my homework without posting an update first. It helps me clear my head and relax...somewhat.
I'm debating not going to school tomorrow and maybe calling in sick to work. But I can't, because a) I'm already going to fall behind next week and b) I desperately need the money.
I still haven't packed. FACCK.
Okay, I'm just about dead, so peace out.
Basically, I went from fasting all week to "almost qualifies as a binge" week :/
All because work booked me 6 hour shifts every night, starting right after school until 10-11 at night. Then I get home and attempt my homework (which takes me hours to do because I'm so tired I can't focus on a single word). Then I finally get to bed. Then I go to school and attempt to concentrate, but fail. Then I eat food, thinking it will make things better. It doesn't. Then I go to work. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat....
I woke up this morning with NO depth perception at all because I was so friggin tired. My mom called me while I was sleeping and I went to pick up my phone but I couldn't find it, then when I opened my eyes I looked at my hands and it was doing this weird wave thing, so I just stared at it in awe for a couple of minutes before I passed out again. I felt like I was on drugs (which was weird because I had just had a dream that I was doing some pretty serious drugs :/ )... I also fell out of my bed when my alarm rang an hour later...
Ugh, so now I'm fatter, more tired, and even more depressed than before...if that's even possible.
I need a vacation now more than ever. Just two.more.days. I can do this.
My head hurts, and my throat hurts, and I feel like I'm going to puke. I also feel like I could pass out again any moment now. I had an espresso shot and an iced coffee (extra strong) at work to keep me from falling asleep on the floor, but I'm just about dead now. But I couldn't do my homework without posting an update first. It helps me clear my head and relax...somewhat.
I'm debating not going to school tomorrow and maybe calling in sick to work. But I can't, because a) I'm already going to fall behind next week and b) I desperately need the money.
I still haven't packed. FACCK.
Okay, I'm just about dead, so peace out.
Monday, February 7, 2011
Another whiny post about how much I hate life.
...well really, it's just the title.
I don't have enough energy to find the words to say it. I went to work today and it wasn't busy. I've never brought my emotional stuff to work, but today I was standing there thinking 'what if I were dead?' and that startled me. Work usually makes me temporarily numb from my personal hell, but today was different. Even in chemistry class, all I could do was look around at the chemicals and wonder which ones I could swallow that would put me into a permanent sleep. Nothing is safe for me anymore.
I have a horrible headache. It's not even a hunger headache because I ate a lot between work and school. 20 chips + 2 granola bars + 6 veggie chicken strips + ketchup
then I had an apple at work
after work I had a donut and cafe mocha. :s
Why is it that once we go over our calorie limit or 'food goal' for the day, we feel the day is ruined and just ruin it more by binging? I don't understand.
Well, I kind of decided that after I get back from the Caribbean, there will be nothing left that I look forward to. I'm not even that excited about going on my trip, except that it's an escape from school, work, life. After that, what's really holding me here? I cry like every day because I'm just so frustrated with myself, and with life. I can't figure out my emotions. Everything just feels so gray to me, I'm never happy, and these days I'm always fantasizing my suicide. =/
I don't know, I guess we'll just see where I am emotionally when we get back. All I know is that it will go one of two ways:
1. I'll tell someone about this and get help.
2. I'll starve myself (even more) until I'm finally satisfied with myself, or until I die. Whichever comes first.
so yeahh, well, I have homework to do and then I've got to cry myself to sleep. Peace out
I don't have enough energy to find the words to say it. I went to work today and it wasn't busy. I've never brought my emotional stuff to work, but today I was standing there thinking 'what if I were dead?' and that startled me. Work usually makes me temporarily numb from my personal hell, but today was different. Even in chemistry class, all I could do was look around at the chemicals and wonder which ones I could swallow that would put me into a permanent sleep. Nothing is safe for me anymore.
I have a horrible headache. It's not even a hunger headache because I ate a lot between work and school. 20 chips + 2 granola bars + 6 veggie chicken strips + ketchup
then I had an apple at work
after work I had a donut and cafe mocha. :s
Why is it that once we go over our calorie limit or 'food goal' for the day, we feel the day is ruined and just ruin it more by binging? I don't understand.
Well, I kind of decided that after I get back from the Caribbean, there will be nothing left that I look forward to. I'm not even that excited about going on my trip, except that it's an escape from school, work, life. After that, what's really holding me here? I cry like every day because I'm just so frustrated with myself, and with life. I can't figure out my emotions. Everything just feels so gray to me, I'm never happy, and these days I'm always fantasizing my suicide. =/
I don't know, I guess we'll just see where I am emotionally when we get back. All I know is that it will go one of two ways:
1. I'll tell someone about this and get help.
2. I'll starve myself (even more) until I'm finally satisfied with myself, or until I die. Whichever comes first.
so yeahh, well, I have homework to do and then I've got to cry myself to sleep. Peace out
Sunday, February 6, 2011
My cousin
I'm at my wit's end with her. She's going through a lot right now. She's only 14 and she's in with the wrong people. She trusts me and tells me everything (or so I think...) and she's going through some tough stuff and I just don't know how to help her.
She's done pot and drinks on a regular basis. She got high at school the other day, and then got high again later the same day. She sneaks people into her house and drinks. She's rude to her parents. One of her friends has anger problems and is extremely fucked up and wants her to try ecstasy, so I'm trying to keep her away from her. I'm afraid it's already too late. She skips school, gets bad grades, her mom found pills in her room (which she hasn't told me about yet). She got in a fight with her mom and I brought her to my house so she wouldn't go to this other girl's place and do something stupid. Her mom doesn't trust me anymore; she thinks I'm the one giving her the alcohol.
Yet, this poor girl has it rough at home. Her dad covers for her but plays dumb to her mom, so when she needs him to be honest he doesn't help her. My grandma (who lives with her) also plays dumb. She has so many people enabling her, which is only hurting her more. But her younger twin sisters are spoiled and get rewarded for pleasing their parents, which they've learned they can easily do by ratting out their sister so they've began lying to them to get rewards. They told them that one of her friends showed them pot the other night, which isn't true because I know for a fact that the friend they said did it was at home with her parents that night. My cousin is also constantly being compared to me (because apparently everyone thinks I'm fucking perfect), which is never something anyone needs to hear. She's under a lot of pressure and nobody is helping her. I try by stealing her away sometimes and trying to show her you can have fun without using substances, but then she just goes back to her friends.
I told my mom tonight after a big fight she had. Her mom knows some of what's going on, but not all of it. I told my mom everything I know, but she isn't going to tell my aunt, which pisses me off. I can't because I feel like my cousin trusted me and I'd be betraying her. I know it would be the right thing to do and all, but then she won't feel comfortable coming to me anymore then we'll lose her. I just want my aunt to know that I'm the only one fucking helping her.
I don't know what to do. They're trying to get her counselling but they need to wait for her to say she's ready for it, but she's really stubborn. They're also waiting for her to get referred to an eating disorder clinic because they suspect she's bulimic.
I feel guilty that it pissed me off that she's getting referred. I wanted to shout "She doesn't have a fucking eating disorder! I do! Get me help!" But she does need help, just not with an ED that doesn't exist in her life. I just wish she could get all her shit sorted out. I'm under a lot of pressure because of all this, and it's pushing me farther into my own ED/depression, but nobody knows. I just want to not eat until I'm dead now.
AGG! I just want to run away. I want to do anything to get out of this hell hole I'm stuck in. I'm so stressed from everything going on (work, school, ED, family shit, depression) and I feel like life is just not enjoyable. What is the point? Every day I wake up and I tell myself I'm nothing. All day I believe it. I'm never happy. People think I am. It's all just a deception. A really good fucking deception. I'm such a good liar that nobody thinks there is anything wrong with me, but sometimes I wish they did. It would be nice to be able to live and be happy, but it's been so long that I forget that that exists, that it is still possible for me.
Sometimes I wonder how much of the shit that goes through my head goes through a normal person's head. Do normal people feel guilty about eating food, or even junk in the least? Do normal people ever feel just blah about life? Do they ever wonder what life would be like without them? Do they ever want to just stand on a really high rooftop and scream to the sky?
What exactly does a normal person think?
I have homework to do. Faack. It all seems to trivial now.
I guess...peace out
She's done pot and drinks on a regular basis. She got high at school the other day, and then got high again later the same day. She sneaks people into her house and drinks. She's rude to her parents. One of her friends has anger problems and is extremely fucked up and wants her to try ecstasy, so I'm trying to keep her away from her. I'm afraid it's already too late. She skips school, gets bad grades, her mom found pills in her room (which she hasn't told me about yet). She got in a fight with her mom and I brought her to my house so she wouldn't go to this other girl's place and do something stupid. Her mom doesn't trust me anymore; she thinks I'm the one giving her the alcohol.
Yet, this poor girl has it rough at home. Her dad covers for her but plays dumb to her mom, so when she needs him to be honest he doesn't help her. My grandma (who lives with her) also plays dumb. She has so many people enabling her, which is only hurting her more. But her younger twin sisters are spoiled and get rewarded for pleasing their parents, which they've learned they can easily do by ratting out their sister so they've began lying to them to get rewards. They told them that one of her friends showed them pot the other night, which isn't true because I know for a fact that the friend they said did it was at home with her parents that night. My cousin is also constantly being compared to me (because apparently everyone thinks I'm fucking perfect), which is never something anyone needs to hear. She's under a lot of pressure and nobody is helping her. I try by stealing her away sometimes and trying to show her you can have fun without using substances, but then she just goes back to her friends.
I told my mom tonight after a big fight she had. Her mom knows some of what's going on, but not all of it. I told my mom everything I know, but she isn't going to tell my aunt, which pisses me off. I can't because I feel like my cousin trusted me and I'd be betraying her. I know it would be the right thing to do and all, but then she won't feel comfortable coming to me anymore then we'll lose her. I just want my aunt to know that I'm the only one fucking helping her.
I don't know what to do. They're trying to get her counselling but they need to wait for her to say she's ready for it, but she's really stubborn. They're also waiting for her to get referred to an eating disorder clinic because they suspect she's bulimic.
I feel guilty that it pissed me off that she's getting referred. I wanted to shout "She doesn't have a fucking eating disorder! I do! Get me help!" But she does need help, just not with an ED that doesn't exist in her life. I just wish she could get all her shit sorted out. I'm under a lot of pressure because of all this, and it's pushing me farther into my own ED/depression, but nobody knows. I just want to not eat until I'm dead now.
AGG! I just want to run away. I want to do anything to get out of this hell hole I'm stuck in. I'm so stressed from everything going on (work, school, ED, family shit, depression) and I feel like life is just not enjoyable. What is the point? Every day I wake up and I tell myself I'm nothing. All day I believe it. I'm never happy. People think I am. It's all just a deception. A really good fucking deception. I'm such a good liar that nobody thinks there is anything wrong with me, but sometimes I wish they did. It would be nice to be able to live and be happy, but it's been so long that I forget that that exists, that it is still possible for me.
Sometimes I wonder how much of the shit that goes through my head goes through a normal person's head. Do normal people feel guilty about eating food, or even junk in the least? Do normal people ever feel just blah about life? Do they ever wonder what life would be like without them? Do they ever want to just stand on a really high rooftop and scream to the sky?
What exactly does a normal person think?
I have homework to do. Faack. It all seems to trivial now.
I guess...peace out
Saturday, February 5, 2011
I made it through the week.
It's been a week since my last binge...I think. I can't think that far back. But yes, I do believe that I haven't binged since last friday or saturday. Granted, I haven't been eating the best foods once in a while (i.e. a muffin on Wednesday, a couple mini chocolates every day...a MCFLURRY today -.-) but the important thing is that I have not binged. In fact, I've also managed to stick to only eating when I'm hungry, and about 95% of my intake is from healthy foods (and about 85% from fruits and veg). So I'd say that's pretty successful, no? I think I've also shrunk my stomach this week. It doesn't take much to get full now :) Still a LOT of work to go though.
Tomorrow is binge day.
Ugh, the dreaded Binge Day. I'm terrified. I know that I 'allow' myself this day to go crazy, but I still hate the way I feel at the end of it. I would skip this week, but my cousin and I had plans to do a binge day together (part of our New Years Resolution) I can't back out now. I'd really like to though, I've made so much progress this week and I feel like I no longer need the binge day. But then again, I'm planning to start a fast starting Sunday, so I may need this to get my energy levels pumped up to start the week. I work sunday-thursday, so I'm thinking a liquid fast will suffice (although I wanted to do a water fast =L ) So I'll stick to water, juices, soup, diet coke, and coffee (and one cup of milk a day). If that's too tough and I end up sick again, I'll add a fruit or veg a day, maybe two (or maybe up to say, 100 cals worth?) We'll see how I'm feeling I guess.
Okay, well, I'm really tired and I've rambled long enough. I think I've addressed all I wanted to...
I'll leave you with this picture of me in a bikini. I hope it works to show you that you should NEVER turn to junk food as a coping mechanism, because no matter how low your BMI is after being overweight, you'll always look like this.
Well...peace. out.
Friday, February 4, 2011
Bathing suit? Bleck.
The cruise is in 1 week and 2 days. EEEK!
So today my mother and I went bathing suit shopping. Although I hate my body and think it's the most repulsive thing I've ever seen, I decided to opt for a bikini to attempt to get a tan. I love when my stomach is tanned.
So, we went to store #1. Oh, did I mention that I'm 5'4", 100 lbs, with a size 30DD chest? How the hell am I supposed to find ANY clothes that fit, let alone a bathing suit!? I found really cute bottoms at this store, but the matching top didn't fit (big surprise there), and I knew I wouldn't be able to find any patterns/solids that matched the bottoms :( Anywhoo, I tried on 3 more tops at this store in various sizes...but nothing. My waist is too small and my boobs too big :/
So we went to store #2. Every item of clothing I buy is small or extra small. I wear a size 0/1 pants. At this store, I had to try on all my bathing suit tops in a large. They still didn't fit. Finally, the sales lady handed my a top labelled "D+" for girls with larger boobs... couldn't you have done this earlier? Saved me so much time. I ended up with a one piece cutout. It still didn't fit perfectly around my boobage, and I won't get the tan I wanted, but it'll do I guess.
It didn't really help that every suit I tried on, I couldn't get past how fucking disgusting I am. Stretch marks on my fatty hips, lard for thighs, etc etc. How can someone be so underweight, yet so fat? I guess in the winter, with all the layers, you don't realize how much work you have to do on your body, but then BAM! You transition into summer and loathe your body more than ever.
UGH. revolting.
So today I ate 3 strawberries, 10 crackers, subway veggie sub no cheese on wheat, 2 subway cookies ( =[ ), an apple, 2 mini chocolates, and a banana. It feels like so much :/ My days lately have been like this (i.e. eat a couple fruits and a very light dinner and crackers, and then a couple mini chocolates) and I feel like I ate a lot of calories, then I look back and realize: no, it's actually not. :/ I gotta stop eating them damn chocolates!
So work scheduled me friday, sunday- thursday, then I have my friend's party on friday, then I jet off to my tropical paradise :) I hope this week goes by quickly!
Well, it's 12:30, I have school tomorrow, so peace out :)
So today my mother and I went bathing suit shopping. Although I hate my body and think it's the most repulsive thing I've ever seen, I decided to opt for a bikini to attempt to get a tan. I love when my stomach is tanned.
So, we went to store #1. Oh, did I mention that I'm 5'4", 100 lbs, with a size 30DD chest? How the hell am I supposed to find ANY clothes that fit, let alone a bathing suit!? I found really cute bottoms at this store, but the matching top didn't fit (big surprise there), and I knew I wouldn't be able to find any patterns/solids that matched the bottoms :( Anywhoo, I tried on 3 more tops at this store in various sizes...but nothing. My waist is too small and my boobs too big :/
So we went to store #2. Every item of clothing I buy is small or extra small. I wear a size 0/1 pants. At this store, I had to try on all my bathing suit tops in a large. They still didn't fit. Finally, the sales lady handed my a top labelled "D+" for girls with larger boobs... couldn't you have done this earlier? Saved me so much time. I ended up with a one piece cutout. It still didn't fit perfectly around my boobage, and I won't get the tan I wanted, but it'll do I guess.
It didn't really help that every suit I tried on, I couldn't get past how fucking disgusting I am. Stretch marks on my fatty hips, lard for thighs, etc etc. How can someone be so underweight, yet so fat? I guess in the winter, with all the layers, you don't realize how much work you have to do on your body, but then BAM! You transition into summer and loathe your body more than ever.
UGH. revolting.
So today I ate 3 strawberries, 10 crackers, subway veggie sub no cheese on wheat, 2 subway cookies ( =[ ), an apple, 2 mini chocolates, and a banana. It feels like so much :/ My days lately have been like this (i.e. eat a couple fruits and a very light dinner and crackers, and then a couple mini chocolates) and I feel like I ate a lot of calories, then I look back and realize: no, it's actually not. :/ I gotta stop eating them damn chocolates!
So work scheduled me friday, sunday- thursday, then I have my friend's party on friday, then I jet off to my tropical paradise :) I hope this week goes by quickly!
Well, it's 12:30, I have school tomorrow, so peace out :)
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