Friday, June 11, 2010

What a horrible horrible week

I started off good, but then I started feeling really sick, so because I'm in the middle of exams and summatives, I decided I needed the energy and I ate. And I ate. and I ate and I ate and I ate ate ate. It didn't help that there were parties all week, too.
Calories: uncountable.
ugh, I hate this feeling.
And more, I realized tonight that nothing I do will ever please my dad. I know I'm probably the best of his 4 kids in terms of staying out of trouble, but does he care? no. for some reason, he takes their side in the constant petty fights that happen and they work as a team to bring me down, make me powerless, and also make me feel so bad about myself to the point where I HATE looking in the mirror because I HATE myself. It doesn't matter that I've never smoked, never done drugs/alcohol, never skipped class, never screwed up my life like all the others in the family. It doesn't matter that I've won countless awards, kept a 96% average, and still don't have a police record. He's always going to find something to hate about me.
Well fuck him.
Will you like me if I'm perfect, daddy? Will you like it if I'm a dainty little princess, who exists of nothing but skin and bones with fair porcelain skin?
Fuck this, I'm moving in with mom.

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