Shit.

Have you ever weighed yourself before and after a binge?
2 pounds today.
2 fucking pounds.
I was so close to that stupid 1 pound goal. I wanted to be 99, I was 100. Then, I ate past the point of being bloated like a fucking blimp. I'm not at least 102. I tried purging, but again NOTHING CAME OUT. fuck.
Let this be a lesson (or two) learned:
1. Stick to the fucking plan
2. If you start, you won't be able to stop. So don't start.
3. Don't count on being able to purge, because that won't happen either.
4. Don't forget to bring your 'lunch' to work, or else you'll be even hungrier at home and eat and eat and eat.

No food tomorrow, fatass.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
Finally home from work. I worked 8-2, then got called in 5-8. I ate AGAIN when I got home. two binge in one day, not able to purge once. fuck.
So, I decided to go on a long fast.
RULES:
1. No food
2. Water and fruit juices only
3. I'll allow up to 100 calories of fruit and/or veggies a day
4. The fast must last at least 2 days, but I'll go as long as I can
5. Thursday is callback day, so I'll allow an extra 100 calories to give me energy, but that is the ONLY exception

I just thought of a great incentive!
I'm going to New York in three weeks. Every pound I lose between now and then is $10 extra I'll allow myself to bring (counted at the end). However, if one day I go up a pound, I'll take $5 off the total (since this will be counted daily, I'll make it worth less since it may be more overall). I'll start at $200, and see where it gets.
Ugh, my stomach looks so disgusting now. It's no longer flat; it's convex and flabby looking. I can't even see my hip bones anymore. Fucking fatty.