Bathing suit? Bleck.

The cruise is in 1 week and 2 days. EEEK!
So today my mother and I went bathing suit shopping. Although I hate my body and think it's the most repulsive thing I've ever seen, I decided to opt for a bikini to attempt to get a tan. I love when my stomach is tanned.
So, we went to store #1. Oh, did I mention that I'm 5'4", 100 lbs, with a size 30DD chest? How the hell am I supposed to find ANY clothes that fit, let alone a bathing suit!? I found really cute bottoms at this store, but the matching top didn't fit (big surprise there), and I knew I wouldn't be able to find any patterns/solids that matched the bottoms :( Anywhoo, I tried on 3 more tops at this store in various sizes...but nothing. My waist is too small and my boobs too big :/
So we went to store #2. Every item of clothing I buy is small or extra small. I wear a size 0/1 pants. At this store, I had to try on all my bathing suit tops in a large. They still didn't fit. Finally, the sales lady handed my a top labelled "D+" for girls with larger boobs... couldn't you have done this earlier? Saved me so much time. I ended up with a one piece cutout. It still didn't fit perfectly around my boobage, and I won't get the tan I wanted, but it'll do I guess.

It didn't really help that every suit I tried on, I couldn't get past how fucking disgusting I am. Stretch marks on my fatty hips, lard for thighs, etc etc. How can someone be so underweight, yet so fat? I guess in the winter, with all the layers, you don't realize how much work you have to do on your body, but then BAM! You transition into summer and loathe your body more than ever.
UGH. revolting.
So today I ate 3 strawberries, 10 crackers, subway veggie sub no cheese on wheat, 2 subway cookies ( =[ ), an apple, 2 mini chocolates, and a banana. It feels like so much :/ My days lately have been like this (i.e. eat a couple fruits and a very light dinner and crackers, and then a couple mini chocolates) and I feel like I ate a lot of calories, then I look back and realize: no, it's actually not. :/ I gotta stop eating them damn chocolates!

So work scheduled me friday, sunday- thursday, then I have my friend's party on friday, then I jet off to my tropical paradise :) I hope this week goes by quickly!

Well, it's 12:30, I have school tomorrow, so peace out :)