Because I know you'll probably be reading this.. Here is my final attempt for you to understand why this all makes me get 'the way I do'..
When he convinced you to dump me, and later when I learned that he is the reason you did it, it confirmed to me every self-doubt and insecurity I ever had.. not only in my eyes, but in the eyes of the person who was supposed to love me unconditionally and promised just a few days before he'd be there for me and help me get through anything because he loved me. I truly felt, and still feel, unlovable, insane, and anything other negative word you could conjure up from 'lame' to 'a cold-hearted bitch'.
Even when we somehow managed to 'forget' that little problem... when Benoit said all those things..and I don't think you realize how powerful his words hit me.. you may have told him to stop, but you didn't stand up for me. I want you to know that everytime he called me a name or said that I was ruining your life, another part of me turned against myself. I honestly wanted to die every time I thought of him and what he said, because I believed him, and probably still do. And you still want to be friends with him, even though I've told you all this. That every time I hear his name, I get reminded of every horrible thing he's ever said to me and puts me back into some dark place where all I want to do is cease to exist. And you act like I'll get over it, because it's more important that you have this friend that you used to claim wasn't actually your friend, that you never could trust, and that you admit was not a nice person. So, how do you think that makes me feel? You never even tried to understand. You just say "it's not like that. It didn't happen like that.." or try to get me to prove what he said as though you don't believe it..when it all happened right in front of you. It's not that I don't forgive him, it's that I can't forget the things he said. It's you that I can't forgive. I can't forgive you for putting me through agonizing self-loathing so that you can have one more petty friend. I can't forgive you for chosing him over me, for rejecting me in the coldest manner possible, for being completely absent when it comes to me expressing my feelings. And now, for calling this expression of my feelings 'ridiculous.' Even though I may often have feelings of utter self-hate, I still think I deserve someone who wants the best for me mentally and emotionally. And the shit you put me through for benoit just isn't worth it.
You said you thought long and hard about it after he told you to dump me before you did. So, what about me is so horrible that you just had to go through with it?
This is my last favour to you. If I'm so horrible, there you go. You don't have to deal with me anymore.
Good. fucking. bye.
and good riddance.