I may have found it.
And it doesn't reside in food, or the scale, or anything weight-food-related.
Yes, it just so happens...it's in a guy. Well rather, the guy has shown me that it's in Me.
I think I've made a few references about Zach, the guy at work who I've been getting closer to recently. We've been friends for only a couple months, but we learned that we're exactly the same. I mean it, we have all the same sayings, expressions, everything. He often knows exactly what I'm about to say before I say it, and vice versa. That being said, we also each have this part of us that's secretive; mysterious. I guess that this is what attracted us to the other.
So we've been trying to make plans to hang out for a while, but they'd always fall through last minute. Finally, last thursday, we were able to after we both finished work at 7 (since Friday was Good Friday, we didn't really have a curfew or anything). We both have cars, but he was working at the other Mcd's so I drove to see him (it's located in this large outdoor shopping pavillion near the theatre). We didn't really plan what to do so we actually walked around for a while in the pavillion and talked, then we chilled in his car, talking and listening to music. Then we decided to find somewhere to eat, and I insisted that he show me his driving skills (haha ;) ) and that I'm cheap so we should go back to mcd's :P haha, yeah, so we did and we spent 2 hours inside McDonald's just talking, and people watching (hehe). We learned a lot about each other, and actually had a serious conversation, as opposed to the very joking and sarcastic ones we always have. Then, we sat in his car for a while talking again, and I made a joke we should walk back to the pavillion and get my car and drive back, and he took me seriously. Hahaha, so yeah, we walked, about 40 minutes, in the dark (and it was pretty cold). We talked and jokingly flirted, and then somehow, I don't remember how, but I'm sure I initiated it, we got onto the topic of "being interested" and he said he likes me. I knew that he was still hung up on his ex, so I asked about that and he told me that it's complicated- they'd never work out, and they're both getting over each other. Then I told him I like him, but he needs to figure out what he wants to do. When we got back to my car, his dad called him telling him to get home ASAP so I drove him back to his car, but we talked more (for another 45 minutes) about what we were going to do, and it ended in me agreeing to go on a date with him.
So Saturday I went to his house and we went to Subway, then we baked cupcakes for his mom's Easter dinner (lol!), and while we were waiting for them to bake, we sat on his couch (really close fyi) and we held hands, he rested one hand on my thigh (sighhh) and I rested my head on his shoulder. It was really nice. We couldn't really talk about things then though because his parents were home and he didn't want to explain to them yet what we were...well, we didn't even know so it was easier that way.
Sunday, we hung out outside all afternoon. Talking, holding hands, tickling (hehe), and a lot of hugging and touching ( ;) ). We sat on a hill for like 4 hours talking and cuddling and stuff. [He was an hour and a half late for Easter supper because of me...oops:) ] It ended with him kissing me, and me not knowing what to do/say, so I just hugged him and said goodbye.
The thing is: he left for Banff today and we won't see/talk to each other for two weeks. We've been talking on msn and we both know we have to have the talk about what we are. He's been making me nervous with things he's been saying and I can't interpret them properly online, so we both determined we need to do it in person. When he gets back, I'm leaving to New York, so it'll be just over two weeks...
I can't eat, sleep, or do anything. I'm so nervous. I realllly like him, I can talk to him about anything and he makes me feel so comfortable and admired and special, I don't want to lose him after the fragmented piece I've only just gotten.
This is going to be a fun two weeks...
ugh.
Time to study, so peace out. <3
And please, be happy.
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