I broke her.

I made my mother cry today.
It's just too stressfuly for me in every way possible right now, at this point in my life. She doesn't even know about the depression or ED, but she knows all the other stresses I constantly have in my life.
So yesterday I babysat for my brother and when he got home we had a nice, long chat about university, finances, my mother, and just life in general. It helped me realize just how screwy everything is and that there are SOME things I can change.
So today I talked to my mom about moving out and living my aunt until the end of the school year. We talked about it before when my aunt first gave me the option, but she had a panic attack and started crying, so I apologized for bringing it up and promised not to ever again...
well, recently with everything happening... i.e. school, work, university, having to pay for EVERYTHING myself, being depressed and stressed out, and not even having time for a social life... I finally realized something has to change. So my brother talked to me about bringing this up with my mom, which I was very afraid of.
*sigh* as I write this she's on the phone crying. I even cried when I was telling her. Finally she understood though and told me she didn't want me hurting myself for her...
Oh, the irony.

So I promised a few days ago I'd update my love life...
well, we're still not anywhere, but it's headed there...as soon as I get the time to :/ He's been much more affectionate toward me and we went out and it was good, so we'll see.

And I thought I'd share: I guess I'm bulimic now?
I hate this. I've been stressed and eating horrible foods. I don't think over 1000, but I still purge/attempt to purge pretty much everything I eat. I dunno. again, like before, I'm still in denial. But I have more bulimic tendencies.
Today, after talking to my mom, I felt so horrible that I took a shower just to purge and feel better... I hadn't even eaten anything. I just wanted to do it to get the high of having something come up. Unfortunately nothing did, but I did scratch my throat because the toothbrush wasn't working so I used my finger instead :/ Yuck.
Ugh, I fucking hate this.
Well, I have a stupid skype presentation to do, so peace. out.