and I'm sure nobody reads this, but it makes me feel a bit better to get this out. This is the only place I can go to let out thoughts, kind of like someone to talk to...
I'm in a dark place right now.
I'll just start off with a little summary of what's happened recently:
- smoked pot. twice. almost smoked hash. Zach stopped me.
- got extremely drunk last weekend.
- kinda just want to do them both right now. just to forget everything
-Zach and I ended. then got back together..kinda. Well right now we're more... "friends with benefits". and it kills me. I hate that I always doubt whether he has real feelings for me or not, but I just always want to be with him...it's frustrating. I have no respect for myself anymore..not that I really did before
umm..I suppose that's about it.
Tonight I just got really bad again... I'm so behind in school and my scholarship could be in jeaopordy.
Nothing even seems worth it though..
Here's something funny: I almost just overdosed on tylenol. I've been sick for days so I already have a lot in me, and I just looked up the dose that would do my body some serious damage and everything... I was making my way downstairs to pop the pills...but you know what stopped me?
My fucking fear of the dark.
That's right. I was about to go kill myself but the thought of ghosts and ghouls lurking around whilst I do it terrified me.
Hmm..okay cuz that makes sense.
FUCK this. FUCK. I wish I had someone I could talk to. Someone who cares. But nobody gives two fucks about me.
Why am I such a fucking coward?
You're not a coward. < 3
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