It's been a long time... probably over a year.. since I've felt how I feel right now.
I don't remember the last time I purposely went to bed hungry, or the last time I sat in bed for hours waiting for a wicked craving to subside, going between telling myself 'why bother, just go eat it anyway' and then reminding myself that the pain is good. It's a good feeling, really... feeling in control of something. Invisibly destroying myself. I just can't remember why, I just remember that it is...
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