I really want to eat something right now.. I'm sososo hungry and starting to feel sick..
But I can't physically bring myself to do it :/
Uh oh.

cereal - 180
chips - 200
Total- 380
That's it so far...

1 slice pizza= ~200
donut = 210
frozen lemonade = 120
iced mocha = 150
handful chips = 100

TOTAL 780
all right ...

Sorry Zach, I'm using this to calorie count tonight.
Please don't be mad, and please don't be sad.
And don't read this if it'll just upset you.

muffin- 410
smoothie - 130
root beer - 230
handful of chips - 150
cereal - 284

TOTAL: 1204
ugh

it's been a while

It's been a long time... probably over a year.. since I've felt how I feel right now.
I don't remember the last time I purposely went to bed hungry, or the last time I sat in bed for hours waiting for a wicked craving to subside, going between telling myself 'why bother, just go eat it anyway' and then reminding myself that the pain is good. It's a good feeling, really... feeling in control of something. Invisibly destroying myself. I just can't remember why, I just remember that it is...